My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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