hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
