I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
