I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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