your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
