i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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