Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
