i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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