So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
