every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
