why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
