Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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