Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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