I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
