im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
