apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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