I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
