Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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