you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
