turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
