yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
