Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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