He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
