I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Randomize
