is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
