I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
