When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
