woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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