is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
