My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
