We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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