My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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