But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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