If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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