Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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