is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Watching her eat just hurts me
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Randomize
