Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
