Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
