i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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