He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize
