I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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