I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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