Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I just blew my weed a kiss
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
