last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
The air was thick with penises
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
