i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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