my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
