Are we in a gay sports bar?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Randomize
