nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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