shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
