dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
