is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
