ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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