he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
