The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
