so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
