I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
