hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
