And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
