she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
