are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
